


The Demon Healer

by misto713



Category: Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Attempt at Humor, Explanations, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 00:53:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 391
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3630588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misto713/pseuds/misto713
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>'What happened to all the healers in Dragon Age Inquisition', you might ask. That's a very good question… This is my short response for the prompt 'Y U No Heal' over at Dragonage Kink Meme.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Demon Healer

"So… why exactly don't we have any healers in our party? They'd really come in handy right about now." Varric asked as he pulled yet another arrow out of the Iron Bull's massive shoulders.

Dorian snorted, "Any sane mage stopped using healing spells when the Breach appeared. The not so sane ones… well, that's why we have so many abominations around."

Bull turned his head to regard the mage curiously, "What does that have to do with healing? Why would some weird-ass magic crap cancel out some other weird-ass but still useful magic crap."

Dorian only sighed and went to sit tiredly on a nearby rock. "Well," he began sarcastically, "the name 'Spirit Healer' might give you some clue. As in, they heal with the help of Spirits?" he only chuckled mirthlessly at their wide-eyed stares of growing realization. "Exactly. Can you just imagine what would happen if anyone tried right now?"

He waved his hand around as if to mimic the casting of a spell. "'Ooh, I call upon you, my good and kind spirit, come heal our poor useless injured asses.' Whooosh, a wild Demon appears. 'Noo, we didn't mean to call upon you, my dear misguided demon friend, we meant to call a kind spirit, you see.' 'Grr, that's too bad, pulling spirits through the Veil turns them into demons, didn't you know? I'll have to eat you now'. And so ends the story of the idiotic spirit healer who tried to call upon a spirit while the huge hole in the sky leaked the Fade all over the place. Did you get that? Or am I speaking too fast for you?"

"Anyone who tries to heal, accidentally summons a demon?" the Inquisitor asked incredulously.

"Perhaps, perhaps not. Honestly, would you dare risk it while already injured? Remember, healing spells don't work unless someone already sustained an injury. Also, the spirits have enough trouble hearing humans even in the best circumstances. That's why healers have always been so rare. With a huge disturbance like the Breach and countless Rifts everywhere, I doubt they'd hear a single healer's call. Not without being pulled through into our world; which, again, would turn them into demons."

"Oh." That seemed to close the topic for everyone. Then the Inquisitor smirked, "So… why don't we get a demon healer?"

The men just groaned.


End file.
